Louis and Tawny 4: Crisis and Healing
by tdls
Summary: Louis suffers a tragic loss and Tawny is there for him. (Complete)
1. Chapter 1: Loss

Obvious disclaimer: I don't own any of Even Stevens.

 _Note: I wrote this story with a heavy heart. Unlike my other stories, this is a scenario that I would never wish on Louis and Tawny; it's just where my imagination led me to. So I'm making this a stand-alone episode; what happens here doesn't carry over into future stories.  
_

* * *

Louis sat outside his mother's hospital room crying, Tawny's hand placed gently over his, his other hand covering his face. Six months. It had been six months since his mother had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Six months of crying until he thought he couldn't cry any more. Six months to prepare himself emotionally for what was going to come. But when it did come, it simply overwhelmed him. The feeling of his mother no longer being here on earth was just something that couldn't be prepared for. It was something that struck him, like a harsh blow to the head, with a relentless quality once it became reality. He felt utterly helpless as he could feel his heart being drained of life and his head being clobbered with the recognition of his harsh reality.

Tawny felt utterly helpless as she could feel Louis suffering. And this time, she felt there was nothing she could do about it. Her own heart felt weak, being more drained of life than ever before, because Louis's pain was her pain, his loss was her loss. She made an effort to not cry, to be the source of strength that Louis needed so badly. She wanted to be there for him, now more than ever. But she also knew that she had to give him every bit of space that he needed, to let him process his emotions, to decide for himself how much he wanted her to be there for him.

"Louis," Tawny finally said. "I want you to know that I'll be there for you anytime you need me. Any hour of day or night, if you need to see me or talk to me, give me a call. But if you need to be alone, I'll respect that completely. It's up to you."

Louis just nodded. He wanted to thank her for being there, for being ready to be there whenever. But he felt a strange kind of mental and physical paralysis that kept holding him down.

Tawny could tell that Louis could not muster the strength. She proceeded to give him a heartfelt hug, pouring into it every ounce of strength and affection that she could muster. "I love you, Louis," she said softly.

The feeling of Tawny's hug warmed him, pumping precious life into his scarred heart and giving him enough strength for the response that had to come. "I love you, Tawny," he whispered into her ear as he held tightly onto her, treasuring the moments that he could spend in her arms before being thrust back into his harsh reality.


	2. Chapter 2: The Next Day

Louis felt numb as his eyes opened the next morning. He stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, feeling an unusual sense of disorientation. Just then, the realization struck him, like a harsh blow to the head, that he had woken up into a world without his mother. The pain in his heart returned as the memory of the last six months came back all at once at an unbearable speed. He just wanted to lie there and cry. But he knew that he had to get to school, even though it was still an hour and a half before first period. He somehow felt that this was the least that he could do for the sake of his mother now looking down from above.

Louis felt like a zombie as he went through the motions of walking to school, walking the same path that he had taken every day for the last two years. His hand and feet felt deathly cold and his mind numb, yet his heart continued to ache. Everything around him somehow took on a new quality, as if he was encountering it for the first time. He just tramped on awkwardly, trying not to think about anything, trying not to look at anything in particular as the world around him in his peripheral vision seemed to blend into a swirling, undifferentiated mass.

He finally reached school and stepped inside, the same heavy, mechanical steps pushing him onward. The halls were mostly empty, as it was still over half an hour before first period. As he approached his locker, he looked up from his blank, downward gaze to find Tawny standing in front of it. She had a loving smile on her face, the smile that he had become so used to seeing and yet that warmed his heart so much every single time. This time, it was a smile that somehow brought the world around him back to life. He could feel the swirling, undifferentiated mass reemerging into concrete forms out of the radiance of Tawny's countenance. It was as if the world that he knew was coming back to him, a world in which he no longer had his mother but still had so much to be thankful for. The most precious of them all was standing right there in front of him, reminding him with her mere presence of the beauty of all that he still had.

Without a word, Louis approached Tawny and embraced her tightly, as if holding on to her for dear life. Tawny embraced him back, pouring every ounce of love from her heart into her embrace, understanding what she meant to him at this moment of need. Louis could feel himself coming back to life as the feeling of Tawny's embrace seeped into his bones, his bloodstream, and his heart. It was an all too familiar feeling, yet this time it meant the whole world to him, the difference between life and death.

* * *

Louis and Tawny sat in silence before first period, holding hands. "Tawny," Louis finally said. "I felt so…dead this morning. The whole world seemed dead. It was the strangest feeling in the world. And then I saw you standing there, and the world started coming back to life. And then you hugged me, and I felt like I was coming back to life." He looked deeply into her sparkling blue eyes. Those eyes… They were always so full of life. "I need you now more than ever, Tawny." Tawny smiled slightly and nodded, maintaining a respectful, understanding silence.

"Will you please come home with me after school today?" Louis now asked.

"Of course I will, Louis," Tawny said affectionately. Every word she pronounced, every ounce of affection that was contained in her words, every smile that she gave him meant the world to him. Louis could feel his heart healing, slowly but surely, as it basked in the sunshine of Tawny's presence.


	3. Chapter 3: Being There

Louis and Tawny were seated in Louis's room doing homework. Louis figured it was best this way, trying to stick to as normal a daily routine as possible. Every now and then, the two of them looked up from their books and into each other's eyes, fondly and gratefully acknowledging the other's presence.

Tawny took a look at her watch. It was almost five o' clock. "Louis," she now said, breaking the silence. "What if… I stuck around to help make dinner tonight?"

Louis stared at her for a moment, not knowing how to react. But he knew the only way to do it was honestly. "That would be lovely," he said softly.

* * *

Dinner was ready. Tawny stayed behind in the kitchen, cleaning up. Louis approached and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. "You're amazing, you know that?" he whispered into her ear.

Tawny quickly finished what she was doing and turned to Louis with a smile. "Louis," she said, slightly embarrassed. "I should go now. Dinnertime should be with your family." She gave him an encouraging look, as the expression on his face betrayed a sense of disappointment. "I'd be happy to come back after dinner, though, if you'd like. Just let me know, okay?"

Louis nodded. He was disappointed to see her go but didn't dare object, trusting her judgment. He just smiled gratefully at Tawny, grateful for all that she was doing for him.

* * *

"I'm sorry for leaving you so abruptly last night," Tawny said the next morning, as she and Louis sat down again before first period. "I felt it was what I had to do. I wanted to do what I could to help out, but…but without being an intrusion in any way."

Louis looked fondly at Tawny. She had been wrong this time, for once. "My dad wants you to know that we're really thankful for what you did, and that you're always welcome to have dinner with us," he said. "You're like an extended part of our family, Tawny. All of us feel it. Now more than ever."

Tawny could feel the conflicting thoughts inside her head. She knew that Louis didn't say those words lightly. And she knew that she wanted to be there for him, now more than ever. But she also knew that she had to draw a line, somewhere. She couldn't be seen to be stepping into the irreplaceable void that had just been created in Louis's family. Her respect for Eileen and for the entire family wouldn't allow it.

Louis could guess what was on her mind, because it had also been on his. "I know," he finally said. "We have to draw a line somewhere. I know you can't replace my mother. No one can." Tawny nodded slightly, grateful more than anything that he had been the one to say it.

"Besides," he added, "I wouldn't think of you as a replacement for anyone. You're so much more than that." Tawny looked deeply into Louis's eyes, letting his words sink in. "So much more," he repeated.


	4. Chapter 4: Dream

(A week and a half later)

Louis and Tawny walked to Louis's house after school, their hands held. It was Friday, and they were doing a sleepover at Louis's that night, just the two of them. Louis felt this was the final step he needed in his healing process. Being with Tawny at school and after school had helped so much, but there were still moments as he lay in bed at night or woke up in the morning when the numbness and heartache returned. He felt he needed to be with her at these moments too, if only just for one night and one morning. He relished the familiar feeling of holding Tawny's hand as if for the first time and glanced at her full of wonder and gratitude at what she was doing for him.

Tawny glanced fondly back at Louis as they walked. She thought again about all the pain and sorrow that she had felt that night two weeks ago, the pain and sorrow that they had felt together. Yet being there for Louis during this time had helped her, too. It comforted her that the two of them were in this together, as they always were, hand in hand. And every time she saw signs of Louis healing, slowly but surely, her heart swelled, little by little, with joy. She thought about the old proverb and how true it all was: Joy shared is twice the joy, sorrow shared is half the sorrow.

* * *

Louis could feel his eyelids getting heavy as he lay on Tawny's lap. The movie they had been watching was coming to an end. He looked up at Tawny one more time before shutting his eyes. He recalled the first time he was lying on her lap like this, that time he fell on the gym floor after doing his mascot stunt in seventh grade. He had seldom felt so much pain in his body as he did then, yet it was swept away by Tawny's gentle touch as she helped him turn over onto his back and by the feeling of his head on her lap. Now, just two weeks ago, he had felt more pain in his heart than ever before, but all those hours with Tawny, the feeling of her embrace, the radiance of her smile, the affection in her voice, had, little by little, swept it away. Now, for the first time in a long time, he could feel nothing but pure bliss as he fell asleep, soaking up Tawny's loving presence around him. No, of course he hadn't forgotten about his mother. And he somehow knew that somewhere high above, his mother would be smiling with joy at seeing him find comfort and happiness in a kindred spirit.

Tawny looked lovingly at Louis as he fell asleep like a baby. She recalled the first time he was lying on her lap like this, how he made her smile after telling her about the beauty of her two eyebrows. This time, he didn't need to say a word to bring happiness to her heart. Just seeing Louis, such a blissful expression on his face, filled her heart with delight and turned her lips into a joyful smile. She gently placed her hand on Louis's heart and could feel how his heart beat and her pulse raced in unison. A magical link formed as her touch infused life into Louis's heart and the feeling of his heart infused life back into her hand, her veins, and eventually her own heart. Tawny just sat there in that position, taking in the magical feeling. Then she closed her eyes and prayed for Louis, as she had done every night for the last six months and two weeks.

* * *

Louis found himself on an open field, an endless green sea of tall, wild grass. A gentle wind brushed pleasantly against his face. He saw Tawny standing there in front of him, about ten feet away. She was dressed in an immaculate white robe and had a pair of wings protruding from her shoulders. Louis had never seen a living, breathing angel before, even in his dreams, and figured that this had to be it. There was something irresistibly real about what he was seeing, free of kitsch or caricature. The beautiful face that he knew so well, the flowing raven hair, the sparkling blue eyes, all fit seamlessly into Tawny's angelic figure. He approached her, slowly and carefully, full of awe. As he stopped in front of her, she reached out and took both of his hands in hers. Louis could immediately feel the so magical yet so familiar feeling, the feeling of Tawny's touch infusing life into him. She gave him a loving smile, that smile that warmed his heart so much every single time. Louis understood as he looked deeply into her unmistakable blue eyes. This was Tawny just as he knew and loved her in real life. Tawny was an angel of life to him, and she had now appeared to him in her true form.

Then something magical happened, so magical yet so real. Tawny took Louis in her arms, enveloping him with the feeling of her warm embrace, her heart pressing gently against his. Louis could feel his disheveled clothes turning into an immaculate white robe and a pair of wings growing out of his shoulders. Tawny gently released him from her embrace and gave him a meaningful smile. Before he knew it, the two of them were flying up into the sky, their hands held. Louis marveled as they went up over the clouds, losing sight of earth. They were met by a blinding light, yet Tawny's firm grip guided them onward and upward. They then suddenly found themselves in an ethereal realm, indescribable in its majesty, something that could be experienced only in abeyance from bodily existence.

They stood still for a few moments. Louis then heard a voice, a voice that he immediately recognized as his mother's. "Louis," the voice called out, full of affection. "Louis, your mom loves you so very much." Louis just stood still, transfixed. "You may not know this, Louis," the voice continued, "but your mom's love is always with you, wherever you are." Nothing else came. Tawny smiled at Louis once more, a smile that seemed to be telling him so many things. Again, he understood. He understood the sanctity of Tawny's love for him, how it came straight out of heaven and carried his mother's everlasting love with it. He fell into Tawny's arms and could feel his heart connecting with hers once more. He let himself dissolve slowly into her loving embrace until he could feel nothing more.

* * *

Louis opened his eyes at the sight of Tawny lying on her side facing him, still asleep, a blissful expression on her face. His delight at the sight of her merged with the memory of where he had just been and the joy he had felt as he fell asleep that night. It took him a moment to realize that they were still holding hands. That's how he must have landed safely back on earth, he thought with a smile. Perhaps Tawny was still in the middle of her journey, judging by the look on her face. For he knew that she had been with him that night, not just physically, but also in the deepest depths of the spirit.


	5. Chapter 5: Feelings

Louis and Tawny were sitting in silence in Louis's room, holding hands. They had both recognized – even without saying it – that they needed to have one of their conversations, after all that they had felt last night. Yet as was the case so often, they took their time to figure out where to begin, gathering their thoughts and coming up with the right words. Louis thought again about how many times they had been here before and yet how he could feel the butterflies every single time, as he did now. But then he remembered how Tawny gave him, among so many other things, the courage to look deep into his own heart and express his feelings to her, every single time.

"Tawny," Louis finally began. "I've been thinking a lot lately…" He trailed off as a smile formed on his face. "It's one of those things you taught me. Digging deeper into my own thoughts and feelings and analyzing them." He looked deeply into her eyes. "You mean so much to me, Tawny. You always have. But it's only in the last few weeks that I've come to realize just how much."

Louis could feel his heart stirring with a strange feeling that he couldn't quite pin down. It was a feeling…somehow greater than love. He recalled the sensation he had felt upon seeing Tawny standing in front of his locker. He didn't just love Tawny. She meant the whole world to him, she _was_ the whole world to him.

"Tawny," Louis said. "You're so much more to me than just a friend, or even a girlfriend. There are times when I feel you're like a mother to me. And a sister. And a teacher. You're someone who brings me the greatest possible joy and teaches me the most valuable of lessons. Someone I have more fun with and yet look up to more than anyone. Someone I can open up my heart to, and whose heart I can explore in return. Someone I know I love and am loved by, no matter what else happens." He looked deeply into her eyes, taking in the feeling one more time. "But then I realize that you can't be any of these things. Because you're so much more than the sum of those parts. I felt it that morning two weeks ago. You're my source of life, you're what holds my world together." Louis couldn't hold back the tears, though he knew he still had two sentences left. "You're everything to me, Tawny. You're everything I've ever wished for and still wish for."

"Louis," Tawny said softly. "Don't cry." But tears formed in her eyes. She embraced him and he embraced her back. It felt strange to be crying now, after all the healing they had gone through together. But this time, they were tears extracted by the forceful impact of two hearts connecting, by a feeling that Tawny couldn't quite pin down. She wondered if there could be a feeling even greater than love to describe what she felt as they held each other in their arms.


End file.
